Players Retreat: When Liberals Collide!

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Another fine tale of mischief and mayhem from the Capital of North Carolina courtesy of correspondent RALEIGH CONSTITUENT:

Players Retreat: When Liberals Collide!

Dear John Jacob;

You may have heard back in July a Purse Fight Royale’ broke out here in Raleigh at Player’s Retreat- a vintage local eatery some 60 years old- in regard to the topic of Concealed Carry.

The fuss began when newbie red diaper Liberal City Democrats faced off with the only implacable enemy they really have here in North Carolina- local yellow dog Country Democrats. Needless to say when these two paws of the same weasel engage in a philosophical shadow boxing match hijinks ensue.

At least one Dummiecrat always limps away with a black eye and bloody nose; similar to the throwdown that just unfolded in the Colorado Recall elections.

For six decades Players Retreat has been the Southern Redneck answer to the Irish Pub; the British Tavern; the German Beer Hall; or even the Super Max Prison Cafeteria with a touch of Biker Bar or Longshoreman Waterfront Dive thrown in for some additional zest.

This fine establishment was founded in 1951 when Raleigh was a true sleepy little College Town with few alternatives for after work entertainment, so the PR, as it is known, became the venue of choice for everyone including the Governor; the White Shoe attorney crowd; blue collar workers and even incoming freshman from the campus of what is now known as North Carolina State University. A true egalitarian mix of all social classes.

Nowadays under the current management of one Gus Gusler the interior ambiance has remained remarkably unchanged from earlier times – right down to the boxy wooden florescent light fixtures with trademark red bulbs and open unshielded egg crate decorative grates that trap and hold every last greasy dust bunny loose enough to float up into the half inch squares.

Why a gooey hairball never drifts back down from these ancient fixtures into the admittedly excellent food and drink served by Mr. Gusler is just part of the mysterious charm of the place.

Mr.Gusler’s big innovation has been to gentrify the menu with a fine contemporary selection of local craft beers, an exceptional assortment of upscale sipping liquors and he will even serve his clientele “Watermelon Cucumber Gazpacho with Pickled Shrimp” at their request – a far cry from the hearty robust Bernie Burger with a side of fries and a cold bottle of Miller served as yesteryear’s daily special .

So that was the state of affairs in July when the situation got a little dicey because plucky 2nd Amendment Activists at Grass Roots North Carolina managed to push through a “restaurant carry” bill in the General Assembly to legalize possession of pistols in venues which serve alcohol provided the Pistol Permit Holder does not drink.

For some reason this legislation did not sit well with Mr. Gusler, and he immediately took to Facebook to issue a swift and draconian response. He threatened to install a metal detector at the entrance to his establishment!

And THAT is when the fur began to fly!

Come to find out some of his trusted Communist fellow travelers admitted IN WRITING to possession of concealed weapons in his establishment right under his nose for the past decade regardless of current law or statute!

With their written confession in his possession Mr. Gusler did not hesitate to turn on his loyal clientele and publicly brand them as criminals!

The allegation of criminal behavior did not sit very well with said clientele and one clienteleee immediately and publicly reminded Mr. Gusler his establishment MIGHT be guilty of serving alcohol to underage drinkers and “overserving” patrons who may have already passed their limit of alcohol consumption.

The shouting match stopped just short of summoning a code compliance visit from the Health Department to check overall sanitation and hygiene on the premises.

After all, good liberals must stick together and paper over their differences to let the good times roll!

Now outside observers of an inquiring turn of mind might notice a number of curious perplexities in this little Snafu.

Are there really Democrat Concealed Carry Pistol Permittees in North Carolina dumb enough to confess IN WRITING to the crime of weapon possession while intoxicated?

And if Democrats carry pistols while intoxicated does that not bolster the argument that criminal behavior cannot be legislated?

And if this conduct has occurred for over a decade without incident, does that fact not bolster the argument that weapons are not automatically evil and the root source of all bad things in the world? Could the truth be a malignant mentality is more likely to produce a malignant outcome than any physical object?

These and many other perplexities remain currently unresolved. And Players Retreat seems to have resumed normal operations for now.

But stay tuned. Who knows what new excitement tomorrow will bring?

Bemusedly yours,
Raleigh Constituent